Amateur Megalomania

Buccigross is funny. This is from his weekly mailbag;

Yo John,
What’s Stevie Y gonna do?

Clay
Grand Rapids, Mich.

Whatever Stevie Y wants to do. Stevie Y does not sleep. He waits.
Stevie Y can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Stevie Y, and those listed in the book are simply those who have come closest to him.

When Stevie Y goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Stevie Y can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass — at night.

When Stevie Y runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Yzerman doesn’t need the money. He wouldn’t play for the money. He made $1.25 million last season and he likely would make about a million next year. He had 14 goals in 61 games. I find his grit and will incredible and exemplary, and those kinds of efforts actually make me emotional. To put his humanity on the line out there is beautiful. He did not embarrass himself. The NHL is better with people like Steve Yzerman in it.

The league is losing legends so quickly, perhaps too quickly, that I’d love to see No. 19 give it one more lap. And it would be cool to retire with 700 career goals. He’s eight away. He would pass Mark Messier, who retired with 694, and be one of just seven players to score 700. He’s also 17 assists away from passing Adam Oates for that much anticipated “most assists by a right-handed shot” in NHL history. ESPN will break into regular scheduled poker matches as Stevie Y approaches this milestone.

Filed under: Hockey